David Frank
Welcome To The Weird World of CBD Suppository Marketing
In my article titled Cannabis, Marketing and Snake-Oil Claims, I reference an article by CBD (cannabis) producer Foria. In this crowded market, some brands have done a commendable job branching out, releasing CBD massage oil (who knew!), tonic (a little reminiscent of snake-oil, but okay), oral capsules (how medical!), massage oil (how sensual!), vaping fluid (how hipster!), and suppositories (wait…what?). This wide range of products for a new-to-market wonder-product seems eerily familiar to anyone familiar with the wide range of products radium was added to in the early 20th century, from energy drinks to toothpaste, and yes, radium suppositories. Except in this case, it’s a highly effective intoxicant, not snake oil. What’s simultaneously hilarious and fascinating though is how differently CBD suppositories are marketed to women and gay men, as a medical product and as a sexual enhancement. This article includes jargon terms like “tactics”, “segment”, and “differentiate”, however I promise that the theory in this article is easy to passively absorb, much like the very products we are talking about.
Marketing CBD Suppositories to Women
The Basic Suppositories product page on Foria’s site is clearly targeting women. Listed as “menstrual CBD”, this vaginal suppository uses light blue medical-esque packaging, and the details page and back of packaging claims are targeting environmental and health-conscious consumers. Ladies and gentlemen, please take out your buzzword bingo cards now. Made from sun-grown USA hemp. Sustainable. 100% organic. Fair-trade. Free of solvents, heavy metals, and pesticides. Karen from down the road swears by it. Okay, maybe not the last one, although if you look hard enough, some sites and Facebook pages do have reviews!
Marketing CBD Suppositories to Gay Men
Now take the exact same product, and see how they market it on gay sex toy and gay BDSM gear retailer Fort Troff’s site. (WARNING: their website is NSFW.) While proudly manufactured by Foria, you have to buy it from Fort Troff under the Fort Troff brand name, now under product name “BOOF”.
What can I say? Sometimes your target market knows what they want, no ifs, buts or maybes. Well, maybe a few butts.
Medical-Themed CBD Suppositories
Pacific Roots Wellness Plus 100mg Full Spectrum CBD Suppositories don’t just check off many boxes in Wellness Buzzword Bingo, but the packaging design, with its white background, minimal imagery and sans-seriff font mean this product would camouflage perfectly well in your medicine cabinet.
This product comes bundled with magnesium, which is indeed sold as a calmative and recommended by doctors (including mine) to help you sleep. They are locking you into a dosage here though, as it’s commonly sold as a powder so you can dose “to bowel tolerance”. These need no such warnings because the dosage is quite low, and the suppositories are presumably small.
Can CBD Suppositories Give You Better Sex?
I have no idea, but Mello Bottoms promises increased libido, better orgasms and decreased PMS. If there’s one thing I know in this world, it is to NEVER buy a woman a product that promises to decrease PMS. There is no point in them offering this product gift wrapped.
Their product is unique for showcasing the product next to a vibrating plug and eye mask.
Mello also have the distinction of having the best how-to animation of any site. Behold the glory that is this animation loop!
Source: Mello. Another reason not to gift this product to just anyone – make sure the recipient doesn’t already think they can sh*t rainbows.
Which CBD suppository is best?
I have no idea. This is a marketing blog. All claim to be “full spectrum“. By all means please review them all for me and inform as all if there are any real CBD differences between products besides the dosage and packaging. (Normally I wouldn’t tell someone to shove something up their bum unless they have really upset me, but this is an exception.)
One thing is for sure – they’d make the perfect gift for someone who needs to calm their ass down.
And if CBD is not legal in your jurisdiction? There’s always Preparation H Suppository Bullets, for those days when you have to deal with one inflamed asshole after another.
